Just The Beginning...

Monday was a big day in our house! Mikaiah started kindergarten. I am thrilled to report that she loved it and was glowing and bouncing around the house the entire afternoon, sharing fabulous details about her day. As for me... it was bittersweet. Mikaiah's first day also started a whole new season for our family-- all of our kiddos going off to school. And while there is so much to celebrate with this huge milestone, it will redefine my daily role in our family. Those of you who know me well know that I was struggling with this change. Having preschoolers running around at home has been my favorite season of life so far and I was sad about that coming to a close. However, after much prayer and discussion, we are confident that our kiddos are all supposed to be going to school for this season of our lives. And after a few days of tears and sadness about my babies being gone, I am doing my best to embrace the joy that comes with each new season of life. I wrote a message to Mikaiah on Monday in the journal I have going for her, and wanted to share part of that with you all who have been curious about the state of this Mama's heart...

Hello sweet girl!! Today is a special day! It is your first day of kindergarten. :) You woke up happy about going, but the closer we got to school, the quieter and more intense you became. By the time we got you settled in your classroom, your eyes were very wide as you looked around your new surroundings. But you were so brave. My precious, shy little girl who takes some time to warm up in new situations.... you were amazing this morning. And I am so proud of you!

And as I watched you walk away from me today, I realized something... this is just the beginning. The beautiful beginning of goodbye. Because God has amazing plans for you, sweet girl. To love Him. To share His love with others. And today is just one part of that plan. As you grow, our life will be filled with beautiful opportunities to send you off into the world to live out God's calling. You will gain more and more independence and lean more on Him than you do on me--and that is part of my calling as a Mom--to let you go. To teach you how to go. And how to have joy as you embark on each new adventure.

It reminds me of a conversation we had a few weeks ago. It was a mundane moment, yet will stick with me forever. We were standing in line to go potty at a swim meet, and you hugged my leg and looked up at me and said, "Mama... I just love you so much. I never, ever want to leave you." I scooped you up to give you a squeezie hug and said, "I love you so much too! But someday... you will have to leave me. And it will be ok. Because God has great plans for your life... and what if His plan is for you to go far away and tell people about Him?" You thought for a moment, then put your little hands on my face and responded in a serious voice, "Then I will go! But I will take you with me!" Oh sweet girl! Your love for me is overwhelming! And humbling. And such a gift. There is nothing that would make me happier than to join you... but if I can't, know that I will be cheering for you, believing in you, and so grateful that you are my daughter. And that I got to hold your hand and walk slowly through life with you...wearing your rainboots and your princess dress...your blonde hair shining and your sweet blue eyes wide with wonder. Looking for your "friends" Purdy and Jumpy who shadowed us on all our adventures. (Unless they were in Texas, visiting their family). :) So many things in my day were more fun because I shared them with you--our spontaneous dance parties, our nature walks searching for interesting things for your many "collections", reading tons and tons of books (I think 130 in a week was our record!), and grabbing "Christmey"for our "snuggle naps". My life is sweeter because you are in it. And on this day as you begin a new adventure separate from me, I pray that you will bless others the way you have blessed me. That you will show them your joy, your humor, and your inquisitive spirit. And even if our moments together are fewer, I am honored to walk beside you into this next chapter of life.

So our goodbye this morning doesn't have to be sad. It can be a celebration of the moments we savored.  Because we squeezed every ounce of fun out of the last five years, and I know that the years to come will be as fabulous as we make them. I love you precious girl. And pray that I will grow to anticipate with joy the many beautiful goodbyes we have in your future. Because you are a daughter of the King and each step you take on this journey He has for you, with us or away from us, is a celebration of that plan and His wonderful love for you.